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NotMeUSA Main Index: |
Gateway to all of our Funny T-Shirts,
Gag Gifts, Novelty Items and everything else! This is the place
where you can find gifts for him or gifts for her of all sorts. We
have created Gag Gift Awards and Certificates as well as a "real"
One Billion Dollar IOU that can actually be cashed-in in the near
future...in geological terms. We have customized enough of our Joke
Pill Bottles for customers to fill a pharmacy. Plus anywhere across
America you just might happen upon one of our gag Spray Bottles. All
of these fun gift ideas are the main reason why NotMeUSA is the
fastest growing Gag Gift and T-Shirt web site in the world! |
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The "Quick" Site
Map: |
We created this page so that visitors
who just wanted to check-out all of our humorous products could do
so without having to load other pages to reach them. It also serves
as our Pertinent Information Portal.` |
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The Pill
Bottles Page I: |
Each one of these 15 humorous
prescription bottles can be custom designed to have anyone's name
and address printed directly on the label. Just like you get when
you fill your doctor's prescription. The best selling Funny Pill
Bottle of last year was our "Hooterzine" (Gonzomassatits). Our guess
is that there are still a few women out there who haven't had their
breasts enlarged...yet. |
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The Pill
Bottles Page II: |
More of our custom designed funny gag
pill bottles. Just like on the first page, all of these novelty pill
bottles can be personalized for you to give to whomever you wish.
The top seller on this page is "Pisspass 3000" (Urinedaclearagain).
That may be because of all the constant drug testing being performed
by just about every business these days. |
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The Spray
Bottles Page I: |
These 15 gag spray bottles were designed
to provide a good laugh for those people who have plants. However,
we took them to the next level. You will find a host of spray
"jokes" from Butt Crack Glue on up to our Sheep Attractant. To our
surprise, the best seller on this page has been "Crack Glue". Hey,
maybe that's because there is a lot of Butt-Ugly (or Ugly Butt)
plumbers crawling around on their knees all over America? |
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The Spray
Bottles Page II: |
These are more of our funny spray
bottles. Just like the previous page these bottles were created as
working novelties for yourself or for your friends. Check out the
"Boss-Floss" bottle for a good laugh. Above all others, the French
made "Smart Ass Annihilator" is the top selling spray bottle gift on
this page, Big whoop. |
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The Main
T-Shirts Page: |
This is the heart of all our 400+ funny
t-shirts. As well as the main reason why we went on-line to begin
with. There are many screen printers in Jacksonville, Florida who
just wouldn't make our humorous t-shirts for us. That's because they
said that they don't make, "sexy or adult shirts". So we said, let's
be sexy (?) adults (?) and make our own. Now from this page you can
jump right to any of our 23 novelty t-shirt pages. |
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Christian
Motto T-Shirts |
Believe me, I wish
we had come up with these wonderful Christian designs. Alas, we did
not. These were submitted to us from a website that is much more
family friendly than this one. Their name is You-Screen and they
have a ton of really cool designs geared toward all kinds of family
activities. If you are a member of an association, club or school,
or maybe even a scout leader; you need to check them out. They want
us to also let you know that their site is about one month from
being fully ready for visitors. So please bookmark them and check
them out later. They're gonna be good! |
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Our
T-Shirts Page-1 |
Currently there are 20 different funny
t-shirts linked to this page. Our visitors can first see a small
image and brief description of each custom design. If any gets your
attention then one can click on the image or description and go
check-out that crazy design. About the only design that's missing
from this page is one for Political Humor T-Shirts. They're actually
scattered throughout most of other these 22 pages. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-2 |
There are 20 different humorous t-shirts
linked to this page. The best seller on this page is titled, "Joe
Blob". You can visit this page and see why. Or better yet, check out
2 of our 5 "Mr. Tripod" joke shirts. Get it for the guy who is
blessed with an extraordinary "third leg". Or at least, wishes he
has. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-3 |
These 20 Gag Gift T-Shirts are just more
of what we perceive as funny. You will find several of a political
humor nature and of course, several more mature fun t-shirts. Three
of my personal favorites are the Volcanic Sex Therapist,
Jacques-Offs, and Cookies/Cream designs. They're the bomb! |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-4 |
Another 20 design page of Cool T-Shirts.
This page links to two of our newly designed "Mexico" t-shirts.
Remember, a lot of these t-shirts will make wonderful gifts for your
family and friends. So if you know someone who is very outspoken
against the swarm of illegal aliens enter our borders, here is where
you can find something of a gag gift nature for them. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-5 |
Two of our more popular 20 Crazy
T-Shirts on this page are the designs titled, "Two More Wishes" and
our infamous, "Alcoholics Synonymous" shirts. One of the most
interesting designs on this page is the one titled, "Larger That it
Appears". Check it out and see why you have to be a real man to wear
this t-shirt. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-6 |
This Custom T-Shirts page needs another
5 shirts to make it an even 20 designs. Click on the link for the
title, "Will Date for Cash" design. Of all the humorous t-shirts
that we've designed, this one is the biggest paradox that we have.
It's amazing how many people just don't get this t-shirt joke. Go
ahead and take the challenge, to see if you get it. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-7 |
The Adult T-Shirts is stoked with
several of our "Mosh" designs. The top seller is titled, "I Survived
the Mosh Pit" and it's more true than not. It is also what puts the
gag in gag gifts. We are still waiting for the wet t-shirt pictures
from all those women who have purchased our "Magic Circles" design.
When they come, we'll post them for your viewing pleasure. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-8 |
Now these are truly some Fun T-Shirts.
You can find anything here from "Stop Looking at Me" and "Your Honor
Student" designs to the more benign, "Braille T-Shirt #1" . You will
also find the sexy t-shirt that was too hot to put on our
Advertising T-Shirts page. Look for the "Mardi Gras" design...Ooo La
La! |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-9 |
There can't be anything more wild on
these Sexy T-Shirts page links than the "Rainbow Party Girls"
design. If you've ever been the pivot man in a rainbow party, you'll
know what this means. You can also find a design here for each, Bill
and Hillary. We put them together on this page because they're
rarely seen together anyway. Oh and don't forget to check out the
lone Mosh t-shirt here. You won't want to miss it. |
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Our
T-Shirts Page-10 |
Originally we had several parody
t-shirts here on the 15 design Over the Hill T-Shirts page that were
relating to old people and products they use. However, we had to
remove them due to pressure from one of the old people's laxative
companies. Yeah, complaint's came pouring in. Butt that's behind us
and you can still enjoy some of these gift jokes like, "Queen Kong"
and the "Jawbreaker" t-shirts. |
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Our
T-Shirts Page-11 |
Our Funny Jokes T-Shirts page has 15
really wild designs geared toward labeling yourself for what you
are. You can get yourself a "Bush Master" or "Head Mistress" t-shirt
if you're more orally inclined. OR, you may want to tell the world
what a "Sword Shallower" you can be. I like the "LUG" design better
than the others. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-12 |
This was our actual first Funny T-Shirts
page. The 20 designs here are a little more diverse than most of our
other humorous t-shirt pages. Of course the "Got MILF" shirt is
perhaps one of our best non-advertising t-shirts. Check it out and
the "Dead Sex-Life" design. It's a life saver. |
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Our
T-Shirts Page-13 |
There are just 15 Gift Ideas T-Shirts on
this page but they are all rather remarkable. You will find a joke
in the "World BS Champ" design as well as the "Anthony and
Cleopatra". For Gits and Shiggles you can check out, "One Safe
Driver", "College T-Shirt #2", and "Another Daytona Event". Of
course, teh "Daisy Pukes" shirt takes it home. |
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Our T-Shirts Page-14 |
The Novelty T-Shirts page is a 20 design
tribute to laughter. You can expect to get a chuckle from "Wanted
Dead or Dead" and "Missing a Comma?". as well as get serious with
"Build the Wall" and "The Iran solution". Better yet, see the real
definitions for "Cock-Eyed" and "Pussy-Foot". |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-15 |
We titled this page the "Insane
t-Shirts" page for a reason. That's because you'd have to be insane
not to like any of these wild and insane shirts. From "a Trophy
Love" on up to "Noxious Fumes" you'll find 15 humor laced designs.
Additionally, you will also see our body "outline" art that we just
finished making. Take a couple home with you...if you dare. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-16 |
The "Wicked T-Shirts" page is a
testament to the evolution of NotMeUSA. You can see with "Hop on
In", "Don't We All", and "What" we have begun to make some designs
look painted-on. That looks like we just placed a pattern on the
shirt and then spray inked over it. Cool looking stuff, if I don't
mind saying so. My favorite is "For Ball Room Dancing". Enjoy. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-17 |
NotMeUSA doesn’t only just make
funny gag gifts, we specialize in them. All of these funny t-shirts
are designed and made solely by us. Without a doubt, these funny art
t-shirts will allow you to completely stand out in a crowd. That is
because we have a way of creating original fun designs that attracts
lots of laughs. So pick a shirt (or two dozen) and become the center
of attention. |
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Our
T-Shirts Page-18 |
Maybe we're just all burned out. But
here are some more Conservative T-Shirts for you to enjoy...we hope.
Remember, not every shirt we design is meant to be sold. No, a lot
of what we create is just here for you to see and hopefully like.
Plainly put, we design a ton of crap just to amuse ourselves...and
perhaps piss off somebody. If you do get ticked, get over it because
we are all Conservatives here. Why people buy these things is
beyond me. |
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Our T-Shirts
Page-19 |
All twenty of these Insane T-Shirts
were designed on one weekend. Remember, not every shirt we design is
meant to be sold. Plainly put, we design a ton of crap just to amuse
ourselves and perhaps tick off somebody. If you get ticked, get over
it cause we're all Conservatives here. Why people buy all these is
beyond me. |
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Advertising
T-Shirts |
These Advertising Shirts are really
spiced up. We try to really hit our customers with enough innuendo
to drive them crazy. Imagine what you'll do to anyone who sees you
wearing one of these shirts. I'll bet that people will notice and
mention your shirt long before they'd notice that you had a sex
change operation. The number one best selling funny t-shirt for
NotMeUSA is one of these designs called, "Strokers Hand Tools". Come
and see it. |
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Blame Bush
T-Shirts |
One of the most
idiotic things we hear almost daily from the "Mainstream Media" is
how they always seem to find a way to place everything negative at
the President's feet. They try to find or even invent connections
between the President's policies and whatever disaster may have just
occurred. Then they connect the dots for their Democrat politicians
and the next thing you know, President Bush made it happen. Well
here we have it folks. We have designed a series of shirts that
should help them connect the dots. The President has been busy
throughout time and we prove it with these shirts. Oh by the way,
next week we'll
try and teach the Democrats how to color within the lines. |
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Our FairTax T-Shirts |
IMPORTANT! The Fair Tax needs your
support! NotMeUSA will donate a portion of our net profits from the
sale of these shirts to the FairTax Organization of your choice. All
of these designs are geared toward helping all of America to get out
of the senseless tax burden in which we have placed ourselves. Visit
and buy to help us donate to a hugely beneficial cause. |
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Halloween
T-Shirts |
We have a really wild perspective on
Halloween T-Shirts. It is the one holiday that needs to be
celebrated at least four times a year. It's fun to make up wild
t-shirts and bizarre gag gifts during this time. As you'll see, we
have a good time mixing sex with design. As well as keep up the good
jokes. So take a gander at what we got. |
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Our Latin
T-Shirts |
These are some really fun Latin T-Shirts
to own. We've almost sold close to a million of these (more like 7)
to college students all over the world (of California). Currently we
have several hundred phrases for you to choose from. Or if you're a
Latin pro, send us what you want and we'll print it for you!
Remember, Sex Scientist have determined that just speaking Latin is
like an aphrodisiac! Hell, I got horny just writing that. |
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Liberal
Jokes T-Shirts |
This is a page that
pokes fun at some of our more Liberal friends and issues. As usual,
we're probably going to click someone's button and for that we hope
you can get over it. If not well, bite me. Having been the product
of a government run educational system, you may not be intelligent
enough to get the jokes, play on words, puns or whatever. Just
remember, we pretty much designs these for our own amusement. And if
we should sell a few things...then that amuses us much more. |
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Our Mexico
T-Shirts |
Over the past few months we've received
a ton of requests for shirts that have anti-illegal Mexican
immigrant design. Though we already had several Mexican T-Shirts
sprinkled about our pages we added a few more designs and
categorized them here for your ease. Bear in mind we do not now or
will ever advocate any acts of violence against our criminal
invaders from the south. All of these designs are in jest and should
be taken "with a grain of salt". In short, they're all just for fun! |
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Our Phonics
T-Shirts |
Ok, everyewon nowes fonics. Yew mite not
nowe how tew spel a wurd and yew haff tew "sound it out". Yess, this
werks preddy gud. That's wy we desyded tew make us sum ov thees
Fonics Tee-Shurts deesighns. Xsept we just had tew consintreight on
arr fayvorit werd, phuck. Sew we kall thees shurts, "phuckin fonics
t-shurts". Now its a commun fack that speekin wif fonics is lyke a
mintel afrodeesieact. Fonics maykes yew smarder! |
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Our Pig
Latin T-Shirts |
We're not sure but we think we're the
first to ever print these Pig Latin T-Shirts. There are a lot of
people who know how to speak Pig Latin. Currently we have several
dozen phrases for you to choose from. Or if you're a Pig Latin pro,
send us what you want and we'll print it for you. Swine scientists
have determined that speaking Pig Latin is a highly stress-free way
of inducing sexual endurance. Ownay atsthay oolcay! |
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Red States T-Shirts |
These shirts are already located
throughout most of our shirt pages; we thought it would be easier
for you if we placed them directly on one page. You should also know
that you could find other funny political gifts and gags on our
infamous gag gift pill bottle and spray bottle pages. Have fun and
enjoy our crazy, insane and humorous jokes, gifts and novelty items.
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Smack-A-Gram T-Shirts |
Each one of these shirts are an anagram
of several common phrases. This is a great way of telling off the
world without actually revealing what you're wearing or thinking. By
the way, since these quotes pretty much explain themselves there
won't be any humorous explanations on what prompted us to create
them. Yes, we're going to spare you the angst this time. |
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Science
Fiction T-Shirts |
There are only 5 Science Fiction
T-Shirts on this page. It's not that we aren't fans of science
fiction, but rather, we just haven't had the time to fully load a
bunch of our designs into the system yet. As soon as we do this page
will hold anywhere from 15 to 20 science fiction shirt designs. |
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Weird
Science T-Shirts |
There are all kinds of scientific fields
of study. More importantly, more fields seem to be invented each
week. In the spirit of human endeavor we made 32 Weird Science
T-Shirt designs commemorating these brave scientists and their
wondrous achievements. As an added bonus, we delved deep into the
Patented NotMeUSA Encyclopedia and found some rarely heard phobias.
Check out, "Espanolamassaphobia". This is the only humorous t-shirt
page that doesn't have preview images. |
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The Novelties
& Books |
One of the Hottest Gag Gifts we have are
these Fun Awards and Humorous Certificates. As with just about all
of our Funny Gag gifts, we will personalize your Gifts with whatever
names you wish, and at no extra charge. You see at NotMeUSA.com, we
understand that the best thing about giving our gifts away to
someone, is the look on the recipient's face when they first see
their gift. I also put up my unpublished and unsold science fiction
novel, "Newmerica" here. Read it for free. |
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Free Sports
Dice Games |
This is an introduction to a world of
incredibly fun games played with dice. No, I am not going to teach
you how to gamble. Rather, I am going to show you how just 2 to 8
dice can allow you to play any number of sports games. Believe
me this, these are not only fun but very addicting. |
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The Daily
Learning Page |
We have hooked up with "The
Free Dictionary" to provide our visitors with daily fun
educational facts. These change daily so be sure to come back and
see the newest RSS feeds. |
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Free
Web Master Tools |
There are many "Tools" here that can
help webmasters better their site. You'll find that we have
partnered with SEO Chat and
Tiny URL in order to provide their
tools to you at no costs. So if you need site help, get in here. Of
course after looking at our site you have just got to be asking, "So
why aren't you clowns using them?" |
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Our Exchange Links |
If you really like our crazy jokes, wild
humor, funny t-shirts and hilarious gag gifts you can exchange links
with us. Just fill out the easy Affiliate Site Submit form. Please
no porno sites. No swearing in the description. NotMeUSA is a
semi-clean (?) web site and we will reject sites that we think are
way too adult oriented or just plain pornographic. Sorry. |
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Our Coupon
Affiliates |
As a benefit to purchasing one of our
T-Shirts you become eligible to join our Coupon Affiliates sales
program. By becoming a NotMeUSA customer you can earn money every
time a customer enters your unique ID Code at the time of their
purchase. You see whenever someone orders at least $30.00 in total
sales you will be paid a commission of that total sale. |
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Our Partner Links Page |
You'll doubtlessly find that there
are a horde of links and banners from all of our business partners
on our Partner Links Pages. There are sites here that have exchanged
links with us for the sole purpose of promoting their's and our web
sites. So please, after you've spent a ton of money here on our
funny gifts go and visit some of these sites. You just might find
something that you need. |
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Fantasy Sports
Links |
Since Fantasy Sports has become one of
the most popular hobbies in the world, we decided to make a link
page where our visitors can go and hook-up with some of the more
popular and profitable web sites. There are also "Statistical" links
where our customers can actually probe into individual athlete's
performance history. You want to be the GM? Do your homework. |
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Our Humor Link Partners |
If you want to really laugh your ass off
then please visit these guys! You name it and they got it...jokes,
pictures, videos, games...etc. Of course you should only visit these
guys only if you've recovered from laughing your butt off from our
humorous t-shirts and gag gifts. Warning: Some sites may
contain slightly intense adult content & links. |
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Our
Banner Partners |
We have chosen to make this Banner
Partners page because there are some people who really don't like
wiggling around flashing banners and the like. So in consideration
of that fact we relocated most of our partner's banners here. If you
need something that they offer, feel free to click on out of our
site. BUT, before you go make sure you've ordered at least 100
novelty items, shirts, and or gifts. |
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Our About Us Page |
If you want to find out everything there
is to NotMeUSA, then this is the page to do it. You'll find our
shipping procedures, delivery methods, return policies and our
address. As well as our Parent Company information. Of course you
can cut through it all and just
e-mail us
with your questions...duh. |
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Our Privacy
Policy |
We understand the importance of privacy
for our customers. We appreciate your trust that all information we
collect will be used carefully and sensibly. This notice describes
our privacy policy. By visiting this site you are accepting all of
the practices described on this Privacy Policy page. |
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Our Shipping
Policies |
As stated on the About Us page, NotMeUSA
offers primary shipping with the U.S. Postal Service. All other
shipping methods are by UPS at their standard charges. For
ALL Overseas and Canadian rates (via U.S. Mail or UPS) please
contact us PRIOR to ordering from overseas or Canada. |
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Contact the
Lunatics |
You can e-mail your questions from this
page. Or, if you're leery about the recent flood of spammers then we
also provide our physical address here. Beware though, most of us
have to be back in our padded cells after 6:00 PM and all day
Saturdays and Sundays. So you might have to wait for the next
business day before your e-mail gets answered. |
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