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MAY BE TAKEN WITH FOOD. Do not overeat, Dumbass! That's what got
you in trouble to begin with. You may be safe operating heavy
machinery while taking this drug. Stay they hell away from fast food
joints, donut shops and ice cream stores. For once, SHOW CONTROL! If
you must chew and eat then gnaw down on wood chips or shoe
leather. Remember, this medication is designed to allow you to grab
hold of and hide loose skin. It was not designed to allow you to
become a fat bastard again.
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INFORMATION/DISCLAIMER: Do not use this medication in any other
way than it is Intended. FLAPPATRIM was designed to work in
conjunction with our patented FLABBOXXIN, the totally awesome fat
eliminating drug. When people take FLABBOXXIN their body fat
completely disappears. This leaves their skin resembling that of a
Bloodhound, which is a bad condition commonly referred to as, "Kerry
Face". FLAPPATRIM does not tighten loose human skin. Rather, it
loosens up skin to allow you to tighten it up by yourself. Your loose skin
can be stapled until it naturally shrinks back to normal tautness and
proportions. Instead of stapling your skin you can order our
FLAPPATRIM Skin Clamps at a $1.99 additional charge plus $299.99
(Shipping and Handing). In all clinical trials, test subjects chose to
clamp their loose skin flaps along their back bone. If you should choose
to do this and go swimming, then tell any onlookers that you had a fin
surgically placed on your back. Tell them it helps you swim faster. If
your clamps fail or you choose not to "tie back" your loosened skin, and
insist on going swimming try the following excuse for your floating skin.
Tell people that you have always had an amoeba, road kill, flying
squirrel, flounder or jelly fish fixation.
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