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FRONT LABEL:
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REAR LABEL:
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DIRECTIONS: Mystery itch strikes all of us anytime, and any place. You
can be sitting, standing, running or even lying in bed when all of a
sudden, your butt crack itches. What do you do? If you're alone you
naturally scratch the hell out of it. And sometimes you unconsciously dig
your crack out in the public eye. When in a crowd you may try to cure
the itch with any of an assorted technique. There is the "foot shift
move" where one shifts their weight from one foot to the next in the
hopes that their butt cheeks willrub away the itch through friction.
Some pants wearing individuals will enact the "wedgie move" by pulling
their pants up and use the inseam as a crack scratcher. Crack Guard
eliminates all of this. Stocked with its Patented anti-itch formula Crack
Guard deters unexpected butt itch. You'll never be caught picking at
your butt or "picking" your underwear out of your crack ever again.
Because Crack Guard turns your ass into a numbed up crevice of
serenity. For external use only! This product will not help to alleviate
the pain that is commonly associated with anal sex. So please, do not
spray Crack Guard up your ass and expect to receive painless insertion
of fleshy objects, machinery, produce or small rodents. Instead of using
Crack Guard in this manner, seek professional psychological help.
Because there’s something seriously wrong with you.
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Active Ingredients: 70% Softened
Water; 15% Anesthetic Balm; 8%
Aloe; 5% Medicated Baby Powder; 2%
of some junk we still don't know what
the hell it is. But hey, this crap works
and the FDA didn't whine about it.
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FUGGITALL LABS, INC.
100 Animal Testing Blvd.
Cadaver Fart, Ohio 43222
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